Room With A Screw

I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out
-- former U.S. poet laureate Billy Collins, from "Introduction to Poetry"

,i smell the kind of person whom you are and i like you
-- Staci

Back in February, when Staci first emailed me, I was nobody's fool. I've had email offers for my share of gold bullion, blood diamonds and the bulging contents of dead dictators' bank accounts over the last 10 years. And Staci was as obvious as they come. She was ostensibly replying to my craigslist ad for a housemate, but her tortured grammar and punctuation, and her overwrought back-story revealed something more elemental: This was the setup for just another con.

And yet it wasn't. This was the first time a scammer had emailed me personally. It made me stop and think for a few seconds. And in the space of time it should have taken me to hit the delete button, I decided to go on the offensive. There is, I know, nothing new or original about screwing with email scammers. In fact it has a name, scambaiting: tricking would-be con men into doing something humiliating. I get the vigilante impulse, but the cruelty makes me uncomfortable. So I decided I would be clever and a little witty and trick Staci -- a character created by a con artist somewhere in the world -- into writing me a poem.

Several months have gone by since then -- several months and one $3,550 check, four poems, 53 emails and more than 9,300 emailed words. We should have had the simplest of relationships: victim and thief. Instead there was fighting, sob stories, plagiarized poetry, fake drunk emails, fake photos and fake cops. And finally there was the moment where Staci forgot the difference between what was real and what was pretend. At the moment in a crime when a criminal should be fleeing the scene, Staci decided we had something more: a bizarre and twisted friendship.

At that point my con dissolved but our story continued. Or I should say Staci continued. I was left behind with a handful of bad poems, watching a pretend person try to turn lies into reality long after the truth, or at least what we chose to believe of it, had been revealed.

From the beginning I knew the scam Staci was going to run, and she followed the script perfectly: You offer something for sale or rent. The scammer responds and offers to send you money, ASAP, no questions asked. But after a few emails, a problem is revealed. And so they ask a favor: Can they send you a check for far more than you've asked for and then have you wire the remainder back, minus, of course, a generous fee as thanks for your help? Of course, you write in return. In a few days you get a very genuine-looking money order or cashier's check, you cash it and since it doesn't clear for a few days you have no idea that it's counterfeit. But by then you've wired the extra money from your account and now you're screwed. I would have lost about $2,500.

Since I knew Staci's script, I needed to create my own. I decided I would be a congenial, lonely older man who was willing to do anything to help young Staci out. I tried to create a specific writing voice. I set up the poetry angle early so I could reintroduce it later. That's because once I had the check, I knew I had her trapped: I would -- or at least this is how I thought it would go -- ransom me cashing the check against her writing me a poem.

But what really happened was not so simple. What really happened is Staci started to loose her mind.

A
roomwithascrew@gmail.com

Each section consists of an overview and a specific number of emails. Click on "Click to read emails..." to expand the posts.

Click to read emails...

'motherless babies,Homeless one and all of that'

This is the opening salvo. One of my favorite parts in this first email is how she describes her work. "I am Staci Martin,a Medical Humanitarian Nurse ,and ve been involve since the past 8 years,taking care of the motherless babies,Homeless one and all of that,I am still kind of young because i just turned 27yrs old..." It's a cross between a Nigerian email scam, a sort-of sex ad, and a resume run through an online web translator.

In her rambling follow-up email she uses a completely different name (I put it in bold). And if there was any doubt as to her intent, she clears it up with some classic email scam phrases about trust funds. I pretend not to notice and introduce my character: "You sound like a very nice and kind person. I would really love to live with someone like that. My wife died last year from the cancer and sometimes I get lonely." I also decide to introduce something else I knows she wants: a money order. She gets very excited.

6 emails

to hous-585733340@craigslist.org,
date Mon, Feb 25, 2008 at 2:11 AM
subject is the place still available
mailed-by craigslist.org

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

Hi,
Hello to You overthere and how is your day? I saw your advert that You have a room available for rent and i am interested in knowing the availability of the place and i will also want to know more about the place, neighboourhood ,and the utilities included...?
I am Staci Martin,a Medical Humanitarian Nurse ,and ve been involve since the past 8 years,taking care of the motherless babies,Homeless one and all of that,I am still kind of young because i just turned 27yrs old...I Can speak both English and German,i love to live with clean people,caring,responsible,neat type. I'm 5"7' straight,and i am in south Dokota now ,I will want to move by the middle of March depending on the availability of the room ,I speaks English fluently ,so we have no barriers.
I'll let You know more about me if i am to rent this particular room that you have to offer
I will be anxiously waiting for your next email
Kind Regards

------------------------------------------------------------------
this message was remailed to you via: hous-585789096@craigslist.org
------------------------------------------------------------------

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Mon, Feb 25, 2008 at 7:22 AM
subject Re: is the place still available
mailed-by gmail.com

I would suggest looking up Hawthorn and Belmont on Google to find out more about the area. It's one of the the best neighborhoods in Portland and there's lots of info online. As for utilities, like I mentioned in the ad they're about $60 a month, depending on whether it's summer or winter. Trash and water are free.

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Tue, Feb 26, 2008 at 12:26 AM
subject Am ok

Hi,
Hello to You overthere and how is your day? I saw your advert that You have a room available for rent and i am interested in knowing the availability of the place and i will also want to know more about the place, neighboourhood ,and the utilities included...?
I am Alicia Smith,a Medical Humanitarian Nurse ,and ve been involve since the past 8 years,taking care of the motherless babies,Homeless one and all of that,I am still kind of young because i just turned 27yrs old...I Can speak both English and German,i love to live with clean people,caring,responsible,neat type. I'm 5"7' straight,and i am in south Dokota now ,I will want to move by the middle of March depending on the availability of the room ,I speaks English fluently ,so we have no barriers.
I'll let You know more about me if i am to rent this particular room that you have to offer
I will be anxiously waiting for your next email
Kind Regards
.........................................................................................................................
Hi
Thanks so much for replying my mail,I really do appreciate it,. I would have loved us to see before making any plan but the distance between us is the barrier,But will be okay if you can tell me more about the place and you.
More about me again i am a humanitarian..I am the neat type,I like honest,responsible,trustworthy and hardworking people while I dislike lazy,messy,uncaring people and I love pets so much,am quiet and easy going person to live with. I'm 5"7' straight. i like tourising and,i don't keep late nights neither will i have overnight guest around.
I was in my final year when my mum died,i lost my dad before i was born,I grew up with my uncle...I ve dreamt to be a medical doctor but i liked my uncle's work been a hummanitarian worker, as i really liked his work and beliefs,i started working with my uncle,going places,Helping people. I have been a humanitarian officer,usa called us { social Worker} .for the past few Years ,we have involved in projects that includes orphans,orphanages,heart related diseases in children betweeen the ages of 4-10yrs .
My uncle is the controller of our humanitarian organisation {GRAND TRUST FUND} not a recognised one but we pray that it will,In God good grace,Just some few weeks ago,My uncle travelled to Germany and he told me if i'll like to travel with him,But i thought of seeing him in Germany before i come ,since he went on making researches , i also thought of moving on ,so as to contribute more to the development of the organistaion.
Am sure You 'll really like the person that i am ,because i will also do the dishing if you like,I work when i am to and relax when i am to,I also like sharing my thoughts also....paying rent on time will not be a problem as i will also be making the rent fee before the month ends....
So i decided to leave south dakota as to know how social workers there does and work with other social workers to get more experience ,so i planned to move in by the availability of the room..I'll also want to see more pictures of the place .
I must confess am comfortable with the price and I will want to secure the place down before my arrival so i will want you to tell me all about the place,as i can't see it before my arrival but the pictures...I also will want you to know that i have my car that i will be coming over with,and little of my furnitures,please let me know if there will be room for them..
With all that i ve said above,I have told you more about me and a picture of mine will be attach in the next email,Let me also know how i can go about securing the place down before my arrival as i will also be busy from next week preparing to come over and let me know if you can take off the ad off the site as i am going to secure the place with a deposit
Feel free to ask me any question.
Thanks..

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Tue, Feb 26, 2008 at 8:51 AM
subject Re: Am ok

Hi Stacey
You sound like a very nice and kind person. I would really love to live with someone like that. My wife died last year from the cancer and sometimes I get lonely. I would love to be able to live with someone who has done wonderful things like you have. We would have so much to talk about.
I am traveling for work until Friday so I can't get you any more pictures of the house. But believe me, it's beautiful! There's a big yard and a garage if you need extra space for storage. Your room is upstairs and from your window you can see part of the river and the big park. Amazing!
The room will be available starting next week. Since you are on the road you can send me a money order or cashier's check for the first months rent ($500). When do you think you will get here?
Yes, please send a picture. And like I said, when I get back on Friday morning I will send you many pictures of the house.
A---

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Wed, Feb 27, 2008 at 2:45 PM
subject Re: Am ok

Stacey
I need to rent the room. Please email me if you want to live here.
A---

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Wed, Feb 27, 2008 at 11:55 PM
subject Reply asap

Hi again ,
Thanks once again for the quick reply,I would have loved to call You but where i am now,i can only communicate through email but I will whenever i get reception but before that i will want to secure the place,I am very happy meeting a person like you,It 's nice reading from you again and i will never ever want to loose the room even without seeing the place ,i smell the kind of person whom you are and i like you,I will want You to know that i am okay with the cost ,if none is included again.....There many people moving over so you will have choices but i want to plead with you to rent for me
I got to believe that the person that one wants to live with matters most,i believe that you'll be a nice person,I just have my dressers,computer table,kitchen utensils and a queen size bed,2 big luggages and my car to be shipped....
With the way we ve communicated,I am okay with you and i want you to know that i don't want to make any travel plans without securing a place down now,so i ve let my uncle understand more about you and the place,He is really comfortable and he told me that it is a nice area he had lived in the states before and he said that i should not afford to loose your place also he said that i should try and make sure that i hold down the place,so i thought of it and i will be making payment to hold down the place and the mode of payment will be the Most acceptable,easier,safer and reliable means of payment which is United State Certified money order so pls let me know if this mode of payment is ok by you.
And if YES pls provide me with the following information to get the payment to you.Your full name as it will appear on the payment,your work place address to ensure delivery in your hands through regular mails or a courier service,your phone number on the package to avoid package missing in transit.I will prefer to send to your work address because you will always be available at work from morning till evening but if home address it will be sitting in your mail and no one will be at home to receive the package.And if you don't receive package at your office address then I guess your home address will be good for the delivery right ? But to avoid any delay of you receiving at home then I guess work address will be fine what do you think ? Kindly get back to me with this requested address contact information so that we can proceed asap bye for now..
Feel free to ask me any question(s) you have okay, and i am moving in by the middle of March.
Thanks...

Click to read emails...

We set up our cons and I get drunk

This is Staci. It's the photo she sent me in that last email. If you Google phrases from her first email -- medical humanitarian nurse -- you'll find this photo attached to other rental ads she's responded to around the U.S. I wish I could make out the digital stamp in the lower right-hand corner so I could see where she stole the image.

This is where I decide to mention poetry for this first time and where I introduce a phrase I'll use again and again: "I need to make sure that we have a artistic connection before you move in." I'm not surprised when Staci blows off the request. That's because she's too busy setting up the crucial part of her own scam. She tells me she's going to be sending extra money for me to pay the shipper when he shows up at my house with all her stuff.

And then I decide to get drunk. It's a risky step, but I'm hoping I can accelerate things. By drunkenly dangling money in front of her I'm hoping we'll get to the poetry part quicker. Not only will she get my money, she'll be getting a check from some foundation as well. I may have gotten a little too drunk. When I see I may have freaked her out, I backpedal.

5 emails

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Thu, Feb 28, 2008 at 4:34 PM
subject Re: Reply asap

I am still in Texas! It's that business trip I told you about. I had to stay so late that I had to cancel my flight home. Now I'm sitting my hotel room and checking my emails. Tomorrow I have a flight back to Portland. Wow. I'm too old for this.
Thank yu! for the photo. You look like a very nice woman. It makes my heart warm that you think we have a connection. I think so to. I promise I will rent the room for you. In your eyes I can see you're warmth and creativity. Don't worry I won't raise the rent.
OK. Now we talk about business. Yes I agree money orders are the most safe and reliable. I don't like the idea of sending money online. I don't feel safe. So it's a good idea to send the money order to my work. My work address is -----------------------------. But I need to be there to sign for it! We will have to wait for monday.

One more thing!!! I am a creative person. I see your picture and I think you are creative to. But I wan to know that we really have an understanding of each other. Before Monday you must write me a poem. It can be short! Write about being a humanitarian nurse.!!
I need to make sure that we have a artistic connection before you move in.
Email soon!

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 12:44 AM
subject Thank you
mailed-by hotmail

Hi ,
I am very happy for the concern,and i want to thank you for giving me the room,I really appreciate it.Corncerning the humanitaria poem,right now am very busy with work but i want to let You know that i'll make it up to You and will be arriving by the middle of March but will be mailing the payment to you as soon as i can as i have said,and it will get to you soon,Please let me know if this is okay by You
i want you to know that my furnitures and my car will be delievered before my arrival,please do let me know if you can be there to help me recieve my furnitures and my car ,I won't cause you any financial problem as i will be including the shipper's fee in the payment that i'll be sending ...So you will be getting the shipper's fee and the rent fee together ,You will just deduct your rent fee and keep the shipper's fee till he comes to deliever my things
Hope you can understand me?
I really appreciate you for u've been so nice from the
start.

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Fri, 29 Feb 2008 at 1:21 AM
subject Re: Thank you
mailed-by gmail.com

Staci
I wasnn'tt going to tell youy this but I've had a cocktail or two and I want you to know this: I am one of the directors of the POrtland Poetry Foundationn. We have scholarships for young poets who want to move to the city! The smallest is $2,000 and the largest is $4,500. The largest is very hard to get. But If I'm right! and you are the poet I thinkk I saw in your eyes, it is very very very likely that I can get you a 2 or $3,000 grant to move to POrtlantd!!
I bring your poem to the rest of the board and tell them about the young talent I have discovered. Guess what is the best part! I have the finall vote on who gets the scholrship. Thisis why I"m pushing you to send me a poem you have written. Because I know you have writen poetry! I know and can tell!! yOu have a poets eyes. YOu have deep eys.
If everything goes right, the foundation will send you a check to help you with moving ccosts before you even send me a rent check.
PLEASE PLEASE tell me if you are not a poet so I do not make a foool of myself in front of my foundation. Maybe I"m wrong. I am sure we can still find a way to have us life together.
Please email soon.

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 2:57 AM
subject So sorry
mailed-by hotmail

I will have love to write you a poem on humanitarian people,but am not good in written poems.

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Fri, 29 Feb 2008 at 11:11 AM
subject Re: So sorry
mailed-by gmail.com

Staci
I need to apologize. I was under the influence of alcohol last night and I should have never made the promises or suggestions that I did. My work with the Poetry Foundation is not something I publicize very often. It's work I care about. I'm proud that we give young poets money to move to Portland, but that's not something that's OK to talk about all the time. I'm sure you understand that we don't get a lot of publicity and that's how we like to keep it. I apologize for forcing that on you.
I hope someday you will try to write some poetry. With your smile and twinkly eyes I think you may be a natural! But that is something you will discover on your own. Remember, simply let your ideas and feelings flow from line to line. With your natural inteligence and creativity you will do well!
I need to go lay down. My head hurts very badly and so does my stomac. I am not used to drinking like that.

Click to read emails...

The plot thickens, slowly and predictably

With the failure of the Portland Poetry Foundation ruse, I realize that at this point I'm just along for the ride. And it's pretty boring. She's weaving a complicated tale of money and relatives and friends and shippers and traveling to Germany. I play along, keeping my character busy, agreeable and slightly dumb. I send her a photo of myself. It's stock photography shot by Roger Kirby out of Yakima, Wash.

It's probably due to the dopey quality of my emails that she gets greedy at this point and ups the amount that she'll be sending. I lay it on thick: "I am also touched in the depths of my heart that you trust me enough to send me so much money so that I can help you out. You truely a kind and special woman. Your trust in me is SECURE. I will do everything that you have asked of me." I'm such a nice old guy that I even turn down her offer of $100 for helping her out. What I don't realize is that I may be too nice; Staci may be starting to actually care about this kindly old man.

And then comes what I've been waiting for. She sends the check.

12 emails

from staci martin to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>, date Mon, Mar 3, 2008 at 1:33 AM subject Hey mailed-by hotmail

How are you?
I hope all is going on fine with you.
I receive a call from my niece yesterday,i was informed that my uncle in Germany is very sick,and his very important to me and am so concern about his health.So,i will be travelling to Germany this morning.
So,i will like to make this faster than before,i am going to issue the check out today,i am going to give it to a mailing agent,his the one that will post it..So you should get the payment this week,his going to give me the tracking number for the package as soon as it is sent.I hope you are ok with this.
Mainwhile,about my car and my stuff,have packed every of my stuff in house,so is with a shipper in South Dakota now,so he will be moving the stuff this week as well.I hope you will be there to receive my things.So,i don't think that i will be going back to South Dakota again,i will be coming over to your place directly from Germany.
I am really happy that you give me the opportunity to rent the place,i really appreciate it alot.thanks again.I will like you to take me as your little sister.I hope that you've taken down the add off craigslist,cos i can't afford to loose the place,am making plans,i will let you know more about my plans,but i pray everything will work out as we want.One more thing,i will still be arriving by the middle of this month.I hope you can reply asap
I hope you do understand everything
Thanks

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>, to staci martin date Mon, 3 Mar 2008 at 11:15 AM subject Re: Hey mailed-by gmail.com
Staci
I am glad you are well but I am worried about your uncle. It's hard to be far away from relatives when they are sick. You're very luckky to be able to travel to visit him.
I have been sick too. The alcohol I had on my trip hurt my stomach very, very badly. I was at the doctor's on Saturday and Sunday getting treatment. They think I'm ok now. But I still hurt badly. At least I can come to work. I guess I had alcohol poisoning and it damged my stomach. I guess I'm not young anymore!!!
I am waiting for your check. Good luck on your trip. Stay safe. Yes, you will be liek a little sister to me. I already told you I took the ad down from craidslist. It is your room!!
And I remembered to send you a picture!!! It's very "IN YOUR FACE" My friend Oscar took it last year. Do you like my hat?
Talk to you soon.

from staci martin to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>, date Tue, Mar 4, 2008 at 12:50 AM subject Thank you mailed-by hotmail.com

Hello,
How are you today? I hope all is going on fine with you.
Try and stop taking too much alcohol.I will try and give you a phone call today...
I am not really happy to the condition i met my uncle,his very sick,we had to rush him down to the hospital,the doctor diagnose the illness as gutstone,my uncle's gut had been blocked.So they will need to do a medical operation,they are going to do that on Monday....He will gets well soon..
Moreso,i will not be long right here,i will just play with him and then come back to State on next weekend .I will get a flight ticket by next week,so i will let you know the flight details,and the time the plane will land,you can kindly tell me the nearest airport around you,so that it won't give me a problem.So that it will be easy for you to come and pick me at the airport,and if you are busy on that day,don't worry,i am an adult,i will surely take care of my self and get a way out to your place.
Moreso,i am really having a problem with my stuff coming,i got a mail from the shipper,telling me that he won't be able to ship the stuff until he receive his payment,am really very tired cos i don't like a dissapointment like this,but i don't have any choice than to co operate with him.So i need your favour...
I will implore you to send the money to him,as soon as you receive the payment,his full payment is $2000,but i will like you to send a sum of $1500 to him,he will then collect his balance as soon as he deliver the stuff to you.
The mailing agent is going to give me the tracking number to me,i am going to send it to you as soon as possible.
I will really appreciate it if you can do this for me,i will mail the shipper and ask for the information to send the money to.,i will get back to you.
Hope to read from you soon.
Thanks

from staci martin to ------------@gmail.com, date Tue, Mar 4, 2008 at 10:06 AM subject A favour mailed-by hotmail.com

Hello,
How are you doing today,i guess everything is going on fine.I forgot to tell you that the payment am sending is $3550 and not $3000.I will want you to please do me a favour,one of my cousin's in my uncle's organisation Jimmy, is also getting an accomodation also.He just got admitted into the university.And it was thesame shipper that will be shipping my things that will also be shipping for the boy.I promise to pay for the shippement of his things.But i don't trust him with money that much.So that is why i decided to include his payment with my.You may be wondering that why is it $3550,that is why i decided to inform you about this so that you will not be angry with me.Am so sorry for not informing you about this before now.
I'll just want you to send the some of $2000 to the shipper not $1500 as soon as you have the payment,he will collect his balance as soon as my stuff are delievered to you.I've already inform him about this and he has agreed to it.
Am so sorry for not informing you about this before,is just that i did not remember that was the arrangement i made with the shipper.
I will send you the tracking number for the package as soon as i have it.
Staci.

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com> to staci martin , date Wed, Mar 5, 2008 at 3:50 PM subject Re: A favour mailed-by gmail.com

Staci!!
I am so sorry that I have not been in touch. I had to leave town for two days for business and I didn't have internet. Can you imagine a hotel without internet!!
I will email you tonight about these new details. Everything is OK! I am very touched that you trust me. You have a good sole. I told you we were going to get allong!
I will email more later tonight when I get home from work.

from staci martin to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>, date Thu, Mar 6, 2008 at 12:34 AM subject RE: A favour mailed-by hotmail.com

Thank you very much for your understanding.Have a nice day.

from staci martin to ------------@gmail.com, date Fri, Mar 7, 2008 at 7:35 AM subject Tracking number mailed-by hotmail.com

Hello,
How are you? I hope all is going on fine with you.I just got home this afternoon,through out yesterday,i was in hospital staying with my sick uncle.I got a mail from the mailing agent,i now have the tracking number for the envelope.....The tracking number is below...
J 218 651 7404
The envelope was sent via ups courier service,you can track it for your self,but am sure the payment will gets to you soon.....Please do mail me back as soon as you get the envelope....
Moreso,am still waiting to hear from the shipper,cos i asked him to give me his information,i mean the information that you will send the $2000 to..Cos,am not comfortable right hrere at all,cos my things is still with the shipper,.Please do mail me back as soon as possible.......
Hope to read from you soon
Thanks

from staci martin to ------------@gmail.com, date Fri, Mar 7, 2008 at 7:57 AM subject shipper's information mailed-by hotmail.com

Hello,
Here is the shipper's information below...I mean the information to send the money to....You can kindly send this via western union asap so as to enable the shipper to start moving my things asap
Michael murray
450 7th ave suite 2111
new york, ny 10123
I will be waiting for the following information
Senders name:
Senders address:
10 digit MTCN#:::::
I will be happy to read from you,and i hope you will be able to take care of this today.
Hope to read from you soon
Thanks

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com> to staci martin , date Fri, Mar 7, 2008 at 1:03 PM subject Re: shipper's information mailed-by gmail.com

Hello Staci
I have gotten all of your emals about your uncle being sick and your shipping and your friend who is in the university. I hope your uncle is okay after his operation.
I am also touched in the depths of my heart that you trust me enough to send me so much money so that I can help you out. You truely a kind and special woman. Your trust in me is SECURE. I will do everything that you have asked of me.

from staci martin to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>, date Fri, Mar 7, 2008 at 4:47 PM subject Waiting for western union details mailed-by hotmail.com

Hello,
I am really glad to read from you and knowing how muh you understand and want to help i am willing to give to you an extra $100 so you deduct that as well before sending the rest funds out today....i will be waiting to recieve transfer details for western union today.
Regards.
from ------------ <------------@gmail.com> to staci martin , date Fri, Mar 7, 2008 at 5:51 PM subject Re: Waiting for western union details mailed-by gmail.com

I got the check!But it's too late for me to go to my bank. I'll go frst thing in the morning tomorrow morning. And then I'll email you to let you know about Western Union.
Thank you.You are very kind to offer me $100 but I won't take it!! You are the one who is moving and you need all the cash you can get. Maybe when you get heere I can help you with money if you need it. Moving is more expensive than you might think!

from staci martin to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>, date Sat, Mar 8, 2008 at 4:05 AM subject Good morning mailed-by hotmail.com

Hello A----,
I am very happy to read from you and i think yes you are right it would cost a lot moving and all that....i am sure it will be nice to meet you soon finally after the emailing.....all this while i have felt there would still be very good pple out there and very trust worthy pple and now i find my dreams coming tru..i promise in my power to always be honest to you and i will be glad if you handle western union transfer first thing this morning....to the information i gave to you..OK....its okay about the $100 you can send it together Ok.....I will be waiting to recieve details for pick from you...western union.
Take care for now.
Regards.

Click to read emails...

The first poem

The check shows up at my work on a sunny afternoon. The return address is from someone she's never mentioned in Las Vegas, Nev. The check itself is signed by someone else she's never mentioned. Even the name on it -- Harry Smith, which is yet another unknown name -- is amazingly fake. I'm still floored that people actually fall for these scams. How can you miss all these glaring, problematic details?

I'll tell you how. When you're holding what appears to be a very, very genuine check for $3,550 in your hands, you'll believe just about any truth a stranger dangles in front of you. There's no way to show from these scanned images how real that check is. The watermarks, the microprinting on the back, the security screen -- if I didn't known the source I wouldn't have doubted it for an instant. One of my sisters works in the banking industry. When I show her the check she shakes her head at my suggestion that it's been made from scratch. "It's the real thing," she says. Too bad everything printed on it is not.

My character is oblivious to all of this. He is, however, concerned about that "artistic connection." And it doesn't take Staci long to produce.

4 emails

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Sat, Mar 8, 2008 at 1:52 PM
subject Re: Good morning
mailed-by gmail.com

Dear Staci
I need to talk about something. I have sat at my desk last night and this morning looking at your check and thinking about us living in the same house. I thought I was done being worried about us being matching and connected people. But now I am worried again.
Staci, I need to know if you are a creative person. I know you are pretending that you can't write poetry. I know you have written poems!!! Like I said many emails ago, I cannot live with someone who doesn't have a love for the creative. You need to show it to me. You need to prove that we can live under the same roof and enjoy the same things.
You must send me poetry you have written.. I can't cash that check until I have read your creativity and know that we are a good roommates match.
I hope you understand. It's very easy to send me your writting!! You do not need to be shy anymore.

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Sun, Mar 9, 2008 at 4:53 AM
subject RE: Good morning
mailed-by hotmail.com

Hello A---,

I am very pleased and happy to let you know that i am a honest and respectful lady...I do not really know what you mean in your last email but i think i have an idea..do you really think we can get anquinted...i do not know if you are still married and your age is not so old for me..I would love to live with you and i know that moving to your area would be so much fun for me..yes i do know how to do a little bit of writting poetry..but am not so good...it also depends on you on how soon you can handle the payment so then we can finally meet in person and speak face to face which i will find interesting..i am here looking at your picture in a frame....cux i cant really wait to see you..you have been so wonderful and helpfull....my shipper called and is waiting to get my things ready to be shipped but just a little financial delay from you which i know would be handled soon....i do want you to take me places when i come and i believe if you feel so much for me and treat me like a woman that i am i promise in my power to make you happy for the rest of your days...heres a little poetry for you.though its the first of 2 that i had ever since i was 25years...i know you will understand why i decided to send you this.

These words were never even words
Just a hateful burst of emotion
And even now the memory hurts
As I look in my reflection
And as I wonder why I'm here
My face blurs with a single tear
Your sentence of lets just be friends
The last word turns round to say ok
But in my heart my future ends
As this heartbreak worsens everyday
Yet still I beg your love again
Although it caused me only pain
The thought of facing the world alone
Scares me as you left me here
Confused of just what I did wrong
Suddenly nothing is clear
My hand feels empty, my soul undone
As I believed you were the one
Unsure, naïve, a dangerous mix
So trusting of your loving eyes
And now a heart that can't be fixed
I couldn't see through your disguise
My eyes bleeding mascara tears
Black, no beauty, a thousand fears

I will be waiting to know once you have handled western union please reply me as soon as you can.
Cares.
Staci.

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Sun, Mar 9, 2008 at 11:43 AM
subject Re: Good morning
mailed-by gmail.com

Staci
I'm am emotional after reading your poem. What pain you must have felt when you wrote it. I have to admit that the by the end my eyes were wet. "My eyes bleeding mascara tears" is such a powerful line. Your creativity amazes me. I think we be a very good roommate match. Thank you for openening your soul to me.
Tonight I will email more but right now I wanted to let you know that I'n going to my bank first thing in the morning to deposite the your check. There is a Western Union store close by and I will walk there right away!

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Sun, Mar 9, 2008 at 4:01 PM
subject waiting on transfer Informations
mailed-by hotmail.com

Hello A---,
I am really proud to have met you knowing how great you have affected my life and how much you still will...i cant really wait to be in the room and to finally meet you...my other goods are already set to be moved to the apartment so i will just be waiting to give to the shipper western union details please do let me know the exact amount sent and all other necessary details..i bet today is sunday and banks will not be opened but am sure you can handle this first thing monday morning...will be waiting to read from you.
Staci

Click to read emails...

The fighting begins

The minute I get her poem I Google phrases from it, and, shockingly, can't find anything. I'm blown away. Had she really written me a poem? My friend Bobby does the same search about an hour later and it pops up as the "poem of the day" on LovingYou.com. I still can't figure out how she grabbed a poem before Google’s crawlers found it. Whatever the reason, my character is very, very sad to discover the plagiarism.

This where Staci's cut-and-paste responses stop and her writing voice starts vacillating between real -- as in slightly less contrived -- and almost incoherent. The harder I push for a poem the more emotional she gets. I go silent for several days and finally give the ultimatum: write me a poem or I send the check back. She -- and I'm embarrassed to admit it -- calls my bluff. I write a rambling, almost pleading response. I have no idea why, but it does the trick. Suddenly, everything is fine with Staci (who also gets a little sexual for the first time).

13 emails

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Sun, Mar 9, 2008 at 6:56 PM
subject Re: waiting on transfer Informations
mailed-by gmail.com

Dear Staci.
I cannot tell you how sad I am. I am very worried that you tried to trick me. That was not your poem. You sent me a poem from a web site called LovingYou.com. How can you do this??
I don't think I askd for too much. All I wanted was some creatvity. I just wanted to know for sure that we should live together.
I feel like my heart is breaking
I don't want to say this but maybe I should get your address so I can send you your check back.

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Mon, Mar 10, 2008 at 7:04 AM
subject ?
mailed-by gmail.com

Staci Please eamil me. I'm hurt and confused. I thought we understood each other.
I'm sure this was a misunderstanding of some kind. I am a understanding guy. We can clear this up. Just send me an original poem. Then we can move past this mess and go back to being friends and roommates. It would make me very very sad to have to send your check back. It would mean that we wouldn't be roommates. I thought we had a lot of potential to be friends.

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Mon, Mar 10, 2008 at 10:18 AM
subject RE: ?
mailed-by hotmail.com

Hello A---,

I did not know what to say to you as i believed also you were understanding if trully you are seeking someone who really knows how to write a poem then maybe you should return my check..this is who i am and i cannot change it i was feeling for you already but i guess in life trust is earned not given...if this is the right thing to do please do as i think and that you should know everyone has his own right and opinion about somethings..if destiny would not make me be your roomate we can always be friends on the internet...if you would assist in helping me seek another room fine..and i will so much appreciate that for the rest of my life..i will be waiting to know if you can hold on to the funds for room to seek another room for me and make sure you are able to send the rest to shipper as i am bothered about my other goods....please email me soon.

Regards.

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Tue, Mar 11, 2008 at 8:30 AM
subject RE: ?
mailed-by hotmail.com

I am really bothered not hearing from you...but please i want to know whats going on with funds and if you still would want me to come stay with you.

regards.

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Tue, Mar 11, 2008 at 4:25 PM
subject Re: ?
mailed-by gmail.com

I am thinking about things. I will email you tonight.

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Wed, Mar 12, 2008 at 1:07 AM
subject goodmorning
mailed-by hotmail.com

hello A---

i really want to stay with you just is just a petty that i dont no how to right peom i would have sent you a good one
but i think you can teach me how to do thing when i get to you cos i no am going to enjoy my stay with you pls dont give the room to another porson i want it cos i no God want us to live together so i can gain alot from you so i will appreciate if you help cash the check and and remove your money and send the rest to my shpper is been on my neck he said his going to abandon my load pls i dont want him to do that ok cos i will be coming soon, and i promise am going to be a good kid . allways want to lean.

staci

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Wed, Mar 12, 2008 at 8:59 AM
subject Re: goodmorning
mailed-by gmail.com

I'm sorry I could not email you tonight. I had an engagment. Later today I will respond to your email. I think I am okay with you moving here but I first I need to tell you how I feel first.

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Wed, Mar 12, 2008 at 1:07 PM
subject Hello dear
mailed-by hotmail.com

I am waiting on your email..i really need you to handle the check asap while we speak since you still want me but i am waiting to know what you feel Ok...get the check cashed and rest funds sent to shipper dont let whats between us delay that since its sure i am coming Ok.Will be waiting to read from you.

Regards.

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Wed, Mar 12, 2008 at 9:53 PM
subject Re: Hello dear
mailed-by gmail.com

Staci
I want you to live here. But I keep asking my self, why didn't Staci email me what I ask? I know you sent a long email. I didn't understand what you wrote. You lied to me. I did not lie to you.
Please answer me. We could live together soon. But you need to give me what I asked for. There is no other way.
If not, please send me you address so I can mail you your check.
I'm sorry things are so serious. I never wanted this.

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Thu, Mar 13, 2008 at 1:14 AM
subject Return address
mailed-by hotmail.com

Hello,

I am glad and happy to let you know that i never lied to you and i see no reason why asking me to send you a poem would delay me getting your room..but if thats what you want fine..i wouldnt take that ok...i dont think i can still waste so much time emailing and not left here....you can give your room to someone else..i dont write poem and will not write any to you..i bet your very old and dont know what you need it for...Ok heres were to send my check to and please send me a confirmation to know my money is sent back.

John Brutte
2301 Beau Monde Blvd
Lisle IL 60532

Thank you for much time wasted.

Regards.

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Thu, Mar 13, 2008 at 7:08 PM
subject Re: Return address
mailed-by gmail.com

You told me you wrote a poem but it was not by you. That is not honest.
I am so confused. I know I keep writing that !I'm sure you can tell that I'm hving a very very hard time try to make up my mind. I read your emails and I donot know what to write back. So I wait several hours but I still do not no what to write. This has happened for the last week. It's why I've not been writting very much.
Part of my head says I should have you move here. Yes, I am an older man. You saw I was a nice person from my photo. Maybe I"m too nice. Iam the kind of person who would send extra money for moving if a roommate needed it. So yes I need a person to live in my room but I can wait for the right person. I thought that was you. Sometimes people make mistackes. Maybe I have to forget what has happened and have you move in. This is what my heart would like to have happen.
I have explained so so mnay times. How can we live in the same hous and not understand each other?? Then a few months would go by and we would dislike eachother. I don't want you to hate me after you move here and I very very much do not want to hate you! That is why I tried to solve the problem before you came here!!
Please do you understand that? Could you please write me and tell me that you understand that?
I have sent you my photo again. Look at me in the eyes. You can see I am not amonster who wanted to much. I just wanted to know that we could live in the same house and be happy.
You sent me your addresss so I know you've made up your mind and made your decision. It makes me so sad. You don't know how deeply my heart is hurt.
I cannot go to the post office tommorrow. I will go on Monday.

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Sat, Mar 15, 2008 at 9:51 AM
subject Urgent
mailed-by hotmail.com

Hello
I am really glad to read from you and i am sorry if i made you feel anyhow...ok dont send the check back lets get to know each other..but go and cash the check and send the rest funds after you deduct the room rent first thing monday morning...so while my shipper is making arrangements for my things we can get to know each other..is this a deal.You look great in your pic...but if anything comes up between me and you....hmmmm i will like it too

Regards.

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Sat, Mar 15, 2008 at 1:05 PM
subject Re: Urgent
mailed-by gmail.com

Dear Staci
Good to hear from you. I want to be sure that I understand. Are you telling me that you wil never write me a poem?
i need to know that before I cash the check on Monday.

Click to read emails...

Poems number two and three

There's a tiny, hopeful part of me that thinks they'll be real. They're not. And I don't know why Staci is so stupid at this point. She's put so much time and energy into deceiving my character. I was obviously completely sucked into her con. But I'd also shown her that I could do online searches. So why plagiarize two more poems? Another thing I'm confused by is why she decides to get overtly sexual at this point. There'd been a few veiled references before this but nothing this strong.

What I do know is that if you're trying to talk naughty to an elderly man, I'd probably choose a slightly different poem than she did.

3 emails

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Sun, Mar 16, 2008 at 6:16 AM
subject ok'
mailed-by hotmail.com

hello
well that is what you want i think i will seat my brain dawn and try to writte a poem for you
i really want us to get things traight ok you are such a nice porssion that is why am going to
do anything you want ok i promise before night am go to send you one ok i can really wait to
you cos you are such a nice man. but i will like you to no that am not good in this ok i mean
in writting poem but am going to try ok if that that what is going to make me come still with you ok bye

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Sun, Mar 16, 2008 at 1:32 PM
subject I TRY TO GET IT
mailed-by hotmail.com

hello A---
just want to tell you that atfer all i get you this, and am going to let you no is a hard
thing you to do but i just wanna sertisfy you ok.

Grateful angels sing at Heaven's gates
In choirs, well, perhaps five trillion strong,
Unleashing love insatiable in song,
Love unknown to those of other fates.
In us, so far removed from such high states,
Alien even to where we belong,
Neither here nor there for very long,
A love like that retreats, and doubts, and waits.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have a friend with benefits,
Whom off and on I see.
While I use him to get my kicks,
his also uses me.

We try out stuff from porno sites,
Watching what we do
As though we were on film, and someone
Else was watching, too.

Yet somehow, somewhere even we
Still know we yearn for love,
And wait like withered stalks to feel
That wind within us move.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so will get the money to to my shiiper now i cant wait to meet you in person
staci

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Sun, Mar 16, 2008 at 1:59 PM
subject Re: I TRY TO GET IT
mailed-by gmail.com

I am amazed! You wrote me! I do not have time to read them right now. I have a hair cutting appointment. When I come back I'll read them. I hope they're not somewhere else online!! ;)
Thank you for sending them to me. I will write you later this afternoon with my feeling about the poem.

Click to read emails...

The end, part one

At this point I'm tired of the game. Staci's an idiot who's going to keep sending me plagiarized poems. I'm never going to get what I want. I'm bored; responding to her emails is a chore that I find myself dreading. It isn't fun anymore and I want out. So I decide to go nuclear, get the authorities involved and freak her out so badly she'll never email me again. Or so I think.

2 emails

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Mon, Mar 17, 2008 at 10:21 AM
subject What's going on!!!!!!
mailed-by gmail.com

I am very scared and confused. I went to my bank to cash yor check. I was telling Mary who is my bank teller about my new roommate and where you are moving from. She said is sounded like an internet scam!!!!! I told her No Way Staci is one of the kindest persons I've ever met. But Mary called the cops and the police say your check is a fake!!!!!!!!!!!
I told them everything that has happed and then they took the check from me and also wanted me to find the package it came in. Who is Harry Smith who bought the check? I told the police I thought it was your uncle's friend in New Yorrk City. I'm very very very worried. Did someone trick you into taking that check???!!!
The police also wanted your email address and so I gave it to them. PLEASSE EMAIL me and let me know everything is ok and what is going on?????!!!!!!

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Mon, Mar 17, 2008 at 7:38 PM
subject CONTACT THE POLICE!!!!
mailed-by gmail.com

This has been a TERIBLLE DAY!!!! THe police say you tried to cheat ME!!!! I have to send them all of our emails!!!!! ANd I gave them the package your check came and now they have your friend's address in Nevada. What have you done?? What have you done to me???
you liedd to me I think. I think you did. BECAUSE YOU ASLO SENT ME STOLN POEMS AGAIN!!!! Why did you lie and CHEAT??? I TRUSTD YOU!!! I'm glad I gave the police your email address. I hope they catch YOU!!!!
Never email me again!!
NEVER!!!!!!!!!

Click to read emails...

"never you call me that name again"

Staci knows she's been caught. The police and my bank are involved; I've called her out on her plagiarism (again). And yet, it's not over. At this point I have no idea what she's going to do next. What I do know is that I don't want her to keep emailing me. So I flip out again. I go so far as to accuse her of not existing. This is as existential as it gets: I'm questioning her very being. Then I have second thoughts and calm down. What was supposed to have been a quick conclusion is becoming... I don't know what. She emails back. Again and again.

And suddenly I realize that Staci isn't altogether stable. The con seems to have disappeared; she's not trying to keep the scam going. Instead she's defending herself -- blaming me for not cashing the check earlier, her friend for giving her a bogus check and her cousin for giving her a plagiarized poem. She makes up bizarre stories and excuses. She launches into the story of her life and the men who've given her kindness and money.

Except she doesn't seem to want money from me. She just wants to talk.

Staci has already proved her stupidity -- there's absolutely no way she's trying to pull some subtle mind game at this point. Without a doubt she's a halfwit in the con world. However, I have no idea what the hell she wants. She drifts from ranting and unintelligible to plaintive and pleading. At this point I begin to get the feeling that she keeps writing because I hurt her feelings and made her feel bad about what she did. It's a crazy idea, I know. It's also the only answer I can think of. My con was a failure. I couldn't trick her into writing me a poem -- in fact, I really believe she would have if she felt she could. Instead, I think I conned her into feeling bad for scaring an old man.

And somehow she made the jump from "old man the rube" to "old man my friend."

6 emails

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Tue, Mar 18, 2008 at 11:26 AM
subject NEVER
mailed-by hotmail.com

hey
never you call me that name again ok cos i never lie and i never ceat people in my live i think you am not there when the check was sent to you and you that very
i saw the advert for the room on the site and i9 mthink i like the room and i try to contact my uncle and he said i should give you the address so that he can send the check to you so that i can pay for the room anyway i this is going t6o happen when you have refusd to go and cash it because of one folish poem well that is good you kept my shpper walt all this days so what do you want me to tell him now am really tied of this.
well am going to contact the porson that send the ckeck to and am going to tell him all this ok and am going to let you no what he says and if that ckeck is really fake i dont no anything about it as you no. about the poem i told one of cosin to write poem for me sp that i can send it to you and hr wrote that for me ok and if i have cos you anything am very sorry i no thing about that and i mean noting ok ok ok ok

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Tue, Mar 18, 2008 at 11:45 AM
subject Re: NEVER
mailed-by gmail.com

I have CALLED THE POLICE!!!! I have told them that you have emailed me again. And I have sent them this new eamil from you. You are an internet SCAMMER!!!! The police told me you are not even SOMEONE NAMED STACI!!!!!!
They told you me you SCAMMER have been posting the same ad all over the US. You triy to TRICK!!!! old men like me and steal their money. The check was FAKE!!!!! and I would have lost $3500!
I'll call you all the nmaes I want to. LIAR SCAMMER ASSHOLE THEIF PIECCE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Tue, Mar 18, 2008 at 11:49 AM
subject Re: NEVER
mailed-by gmail.com

I jsut sent you the angriest email I have ever written. I am so CONFUSED and angry and hurt right now.
OK. You say it was a mistake? Prove it to me. Prove it that you are an honest person. If if you don't, then you are what the police say. I wanted to belive you. Prove it to ome that you are what you say and not a THEIF

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Fri, Mar 21, 2008 at 6:09 AM
subject AM NOT
mailed-by hotmail.com

well i dont no what to say now i have try all my best to make you belive me but everting is not just working out, but i just want you to no am not what they say but am staci who will never cheat people who will nerver still but is just too bad it has to be this. i call the porson that send the check he cuoldnt give me good reson for doing that but i belive all what the police says about that cos i never trust him for anything i will just want you to no one that i didnt beg money from him but is my money i ask from him after the death of my father he left so much money for me but i was so young to handle it so they ask him to take care of everthing and he did so when i was in school and i needed money he took him so many time to give me some money so i had to live him until i met my exboyfriend so his been so careing and everthing likethat but but when we brokeup i need to get my self a room so that i can liuve on my own that was when i contacted you for the room so i call him and he said i shoud give him your name and add so that he can write a check in your name i told him everthing about my shpper so that is why he decided to write 3550 so that i can pay my shipper too i dont no is going to give you a nbad check pls am sorry when i called him he said is not in the state now am very sory just forget about it ok and the room am going to go on with my live and am not going to to ask him anything aging i lve him fro God
staci

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Sat, Mar 22, 2008 at 12:00 PM
subject Re: AM NOT
mailed-by gmail.com

I don't know what to write. There are so many things that have gone wrong. The POLICE have been involved. I never thougth I would be questioned for having a counterfit check. Never!!
I don't under stand you. You looked and sounded so kind. But then you sent me false poems. Did you think I didn't know how to use the internet?? I am not stupid.
Now there is this illegal check that you sent me. OK you say it wasn't your fault. But how do I trust you?? How do I know you aren't going to do the same thing again if I let you live here???

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>,
date Mon, Mar 24, 2008 at 7:30 AM
subject good luck
mailed-by hotmail.com

well am sorry about the poem but i dont no i try so hard to get you something on my own but i can just do it is not my fault just dont no how to write that thing. and i told you in my last mail i dont no anything about that fake check am just sorry i gat you involve and is not my fault i dont no his going to send you a fake check and if there is anything i can do to prove my inocent i will do it ok.
about saying with you i dont think that is goin to possible again cos i dont have any money on me to for that room now you just have to find another porson to com and live there and i think you will find good one and i wish these did not happen i should have been with you now but am sorry that si the way shit happens bye

staci

Click to read emails...

The final poem

After her last email I let a week go by and then write back. I actually have nothing to say; without a script I've been scrambling for things to talk about. I don't know what I'm hoping for, actually. What I do know is that if I can't get Staci to write me a terrible, hackneyed poem, then I will. So I do, and I'm proud of how atrocious it is, thank you very much. I send it. A month goes by and I give up on hearing from her again. I get the idea to write about what happened between the two of us and put it online. I start going back and looking through our emails. And then, out of nowhere, Staci writes me.

For 37 days my email sat in her inbox. Had she been rereading it? Or just looking at the subject line as she scrolled past to emails from other old men? How many other emails from me did she keep? The biggest question of course is, why? What was it about our relationship that meant so much to her? And how do you find an answer when there is no "her"?

Staci is pretend, a figment of someone's imagination; she was created to steal and to trick the gullible and greedy. To try and peel back the mask and look into the man or woman who created her is as pointless an act as the ancient astronomers who thought they could peel back the night sky and see the machinery that runs the stars. There is no edge to lift up; the gears and cogs we believe lay under the surface exist only in our minds.

If you chart out the 9,300-plus words in Staci and my emails, "know" and "want" show up as the two most commonly used. That we both wanted something was never in doubt; that we were hunting for understanding and insight doesn't surprise me either. As subjective as our truth may have been, in the end each of us had to settle on something. Staci decided that our relationship was real -- so real that it somehow superseded the con that she herself created.

In her final email she may have been trying to reignite that con. But when she also writes that, "you are a good man and you dont deserve to be alone and i pray god will be with you," I think that Staci -- whatever that word describes -- really means it. She is a lie but her words are the truth. Her truth. But real just the same.

After Staci's final email I thought for a few days about what I wanted to say to her. I never wrote back.

2 emails

from ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin ,
date Sun, Apr 6, 2008 at 10:31 PM
subject my poem about you
mailed-by gmail.com

Hello. I guess you found another place to live. I still have not found a person to live in my room. I didn't try to find someone for a long time after what happened with you and I. I have very bad memoriies of those days.
I don't know what happened. I don't think I ever wll. When you sent me your picture I tghought I knew somthing from your face. I thought I saw creativity and a person full of art. Now I know you're not that. Tht's OK! I really mean that! You are who you are. I am OK with that now!
I wish you good luck. I hope you have found a nice place to live. I bet you have! I still think you are a good person! I know other people will see that too. I'm sad that it didn't happen for you and I. I wanted you to be my friend. I needed a friend to live with me.
Maybe you remember that I'm a director at the Portland Poetry Foundation? At our next meeting I'm going to be reading a new poem. It's about you. It's about how sad I am that we didn't not liv together.

Wish upon a star

Your eyes, full of life
Singing in your special way
I sang with you
But only for a short
Time.
Our paths were interwoven
We were destined to meet
But like strangers on a dark street
We passed by
Alone.
Now we have our own lives
And the memories of what
Might have been.
Two friends who never met
Lost
But still remembering.

from staci martin
to ------------ <------------@gmail.com>
date Mon, May 12, 2008 at 7:18 AM
subject RE: my poem about you
mailed-by hotmail.com

well thaks for your cares about me ok i really appreciate you very very much i wish i should live with you but destini will not alow us,well you are a good man and you dont deserve to be alone and i pray god will be with you.
my laptop crsh that is why have been able to reply your mail ok am sorry about that well i think if god want us see will eachother i that is going to happen but for me i want to see you have been paying my shippert exra money to keep my load with him all this why cos i not find a place to leave cos no money i dont want to ask my uncle anything again so am here now but if you really want me to come and stay with you i be glad to hear that but i dont want to incovenice you take care bye

staci

Click to read emails...